Where's my Lightning Bolt?
In the christian circles I was in, we were told in that God never promises a life free from hurt "just the opposite!" the preacher would exclaim, giving example after example from the bible as to why he believed that was true.
Then following that, the preacher would call up a few people to give their testimony about how bad their life was when they weren't a christian and how much better their lives had become now that they were walking with Christ. We'd hear from the former alcholic drug addict atheistic heritic and get more than a bit jealous we didn't have an awesome testimony like that. We'd hear from the former backslider who confirmed it was true, life without Jesus was so much worse.
Testimony after testimony, the message was clear, your life as a Christian is so much better than it otherwise would be. Like their infomercial equivalents, these mini messages were designed to tell you all the good news, without dragging you down into the messy details of daily life with the product.
Go to enough services, enough evangelical rallies and you're left with a dichotomy you 'll never really settle. In one moment you're told through all the testimonies that your life should be just rosy with Christ. In the next you're trying to figure out why your life isn't as pain free as the testimonials claim it should be.
I spent year after year trying to solve this one. Everyone I knew was doing the same thing. "You just have to trust that Jesus is doing a mighty work in your life", one person would say. "You just have to hand it all over to Jesus", another would say. All we were doing was trying to figure out why life with the Jesus Brand wasn't what the commercials said it should be.
In a long line of dogma I'm trying to deconstruct, this thought of hurt is ripe for rethinking. As I dissembled my beliefs about christ and deity I kept on waiting for the lightning strike - that promised painful reminder that I was walking away from all that was good and healthy. But it didn't happen. At least not like that.
I still get hurt from time to time, relationships go sour, people say mean things, I still get colds. And I still learn from my mistakes. But, the most amazing thing, I heal just like I always did. Except this time I heal without having reconcile the impossible. I know my life isn't perfect, won't be perfect, shouldn't be perfect.
As a christian my life was about upholding this Christainity, which bared much greater similarity to multi-national corporate brand than it did a faith. When I lived under the Brand, I had to reconcile all my ups and downs with the Brand. Now that I'm free of that, I'm free to get hurt and to heal without having to figure out how it all fits with "God's plan", whatever that might be.
Then following that, the preacher would call up a few people to give their testimony about how bad their life was when they weren't a christian and how much better their lives had become now that they were walking with Christ. We'd hear from the former alcholic drug addict atheistic heritic and get more than a bit jealous we didn't have an awesome testimony like that. We'd hear from the former backslider who confirmed it was true, life without Jesus was so much worse.
Testimony after testimony, the message was clear, your life as a Christian is so much better than it otherwise would be. Like their infomercial equivalents, these mini messages were designed to tell you all the good news, without dragging you down into the messy details of daily life with the product.
Go to enough services, enough evangelical rallies and you're left with a dichotomy you 'll never really settle. In one moment you're told through all the testimonies that your life should be just rosy with Christ. In the next you're trying to figure out why your life isn't as pain free as the testimonials claim it should be.
I spent year after year trying to solve this one. Everyone I knew was doing the same thing. "You just have to trust that Jesus is doing a mighty work in your life", one person would say. "You just have to hand it all over to Jesus", another would say. All we were doing was trying to figure out why life with the Jesus Brand wasn't what the commercials said it should be.
In a long line of dogma I'm trying to deconstruct, this thought of hurt is ripe for rethinking. As I dissembled my beliefs about christ and deity I kept on waiting for the lightning strike - that promised painful reminder that I was walking away from all that was good and healthy. But it didn't happen. At least not like that.
I still get hurt from time to time, relationships go sour, people say mean things, I still get colds. And I still learn from my mistakes. But, the most amazing thing, I heal just like I always did. Except this time I heal without having reconcile the impossible. I know my life isn't perfect, won't be perfect, shouldn't be perfect.
As a christian my life was about upholding this Christainity, which bared much greater similarity to multi-national corporate brand than it did a faith. When I lived under the Brand, I had to reconcile all my ups and downs with the Brand. Now that I'm free of that, I'm free to get hurt and to heal without having to figure out how it all fits with "God's plan", whatever that might be.
posted by grey at Monday, September 10, 2007
